Report #6 :: Strawberries in the Fridge!

I was sooo groggy this morning so at breakfast I didn't pay attention to the cereal I grabbed, but when I opened the fridge to get some milk for it you would not believe my horror! There must have been like 50 boxes of strawberries jammed in there!


After I regaining my composure I sat down to eat. That's when I noticed the cereal I dumped into my bowl. It had nasty little dehydrated strawberries stuck all over in it! Oh my gosh! Is someone trying to poison me?


I was very wary the rest of today, but it only got worse when I got home from work. My apartment was filled with the most awful stench! I couldn't breathe, I thought I would DIE. Turns out my new roommate, Bobbi, was making strawberry jam.

I am so totally going to have to request to be transferred to a new residence. Living with one of the Strawberry Initiative? AS IF!

Report #5 :: Bananas At The Institute

I've just returned from the Institute building at the local college and can you believe what I found there? Bananas! I found a kind old lady putting them out for the devoted Religion Students. That is so sweet of her, especially since it totally makes the Coalition's job easier!

On the table with the bananas were also two bags, one containing crushed Oreos and the other with Gummy Bears. I sat and waited to see how the Students would react to the three items. Students are really poor so free food is very exciting! Especially Gummy Bears, for some reason. As for the Bananas, a girl sat in silent indifference to them, while one boy seemed confused.

Identity hidden to protect subject from Strawberries

Once he got over his confusion, he decided he wanted a banana. To encourage this as a good thing, I had one too. I guess we made it look so good, another boy who was taking from the Gummy Bear bag came and took a banana for himself! So far this seems to be the most successful way to encourage Bananas. I think I'll call this a passive power of suggestion.

Report #4 :: Procrastination and Non-Creativity

Attn: Banana Coalition
C/O Choco Pacho

I'll come back to this.

Report #3 :: Please Send Funds

Attn: Banana Coalition
C/O Choco Pacho

The worst part about coming back after a two year absence is finding that no one at the Coalition seemed to have noticed I was gone at all. Maybe that was a failure on my part. I could have been more consistent with my reports. Well, this last week I was working on writing reports that would have been what I had written since I got here had I not destroyed them all, but maybe you don't care what happened two years ago and would rather I get on with my present reports.

A direct threat to the Banana Coalition is the Economic Crisis the Humans are currently facing. If Humans are unable to make money then there will surely be a drop in Banana sales. On the other hand, Bananas are more nutritious and less expensive than Strawberries, and though the Humans tend to prefer the flavor of Strawberries, during this time they are more likely to go with a more cost effective fruit. Bananas = More Nutrition for Less Money

Honestly, it's a win-win for the Humans because Bananas are better than Strawberries in every way. Nutrition, Price, and Flavor (most Humans just don't understand this). It won't take long for them to realize that Bananas are much better tasting than Strawberries after all. Now that I think about it, it's not a threat to the Coalition at all! This could very well benefit us greatly.

Still, I've taken quite a hit financially. They've cut my hours at work and I can barely afford the Human's accommodations. Please send some money so I can provide more valuable research. Although I haven't had an opportunity to study the Human's Prison Life, I don't believe it is necessary. Life is grody enough outside of a Detainment Facility for lesser Humans.

Report #2 :: Blogging

Attn: Banana Coalition
C/O Choco Pacho

My last report was just a summary of what happened since I've arrived since obviously my previous reports have been lost. Or stolen. Or I destroyed them. Since I have to start over from scratch, Earth Ally Tommy suggested a "blog" which seems to allow me to update anywhere at anytime so long as I have a computer and "internet" connection. I don't like it because pasting my research materials is becoming quite cluttered and I'm having trouble seeing the screen. I think I will continue writing my research reports in my notebook, and use this as my progress report.
The human's internet also has something called a Facebook which seems to let you see your ally's faces and you talk to each other. It seems like a very primitive version of our Mirrors. Humans do have Mirrors, but for some reason they're usually only kept in the lavatories and seem to only work one way. Anyway, this Facebook seems to have found Banana Harlequin to be an improper human name, so I have chosen Kaecie Jack to be my Human Facebook name.

Report #1 :: Concerning My Absence

Attn: Banana Coalition
C/O Choco Pacho

This report was just stupid so I'm deleting it.